Zombie Apocalypse Eh?

So your town is infested with flesh-eating zombies, you’re looking for shelter and you need to figure out a good place and fast! There are really 4 scenarios that come into play when being notified of the zombie outbreak.

1. All of a sudden there is a zombie in your house or place of business!
2. You’re sitting around just like any other day but you hear the screams of others.
3. You are watching the news and see reports of zombies, allowing you to set up a decent shelter.
4. You’re a stinking rich fanboy of zombie flicks and decide to make a zombie fortress with no signs of an outbreak.

A Zombie Apocalypse is the end of life as we know it, whats the difference?

Each of the 4 has it’s own distinct set of things you need to do in any instance you still need to follow the HORROR MOVIE RULES and ALL of the Zombie Rules from ‘Zombieland’ simultaneously to ensure survival. In scenario number 1 you need to look for an exit, if none is available you need to find a weapon or an object that can double as a weapon and dispose of the zombie.  There are several ‘types’ of zombies but the kind I will focus on are the Romero brand zombies.  A Romero zombie is slow, fairly unintelligent, and can be killed by severing the head or piercing the brain.  Grab a bat and start beating the unliving hell out of its head, THEN quickly assess the situation.  Are there any more around?  Can you fortify your environment? Do you have enough provisions to survive for a long time?

Scenario number 2 is slightly better than 1 but will typically put you in almost the exact same boat.  Sure you don’t have an immediate danger thrown in your face, but you are faced with a threat and a simple human reaction to strange noises.  When you hear the screams of your neighbors or people outside of the restaurant you happen to occupy for instance, you won’t automatically think “shit it’s a zombie!  It finally happend…. Quick to the Batcave! I’ve pre-thought of every contingency”.  Chances are  you will get up and go see if you can help or you will dial emergency services and stand there like a loon blowing precious time.  If you’re lucky enough to look out the window of your home to see zombies shambling around your neighbors house or something and can recognize what a zombie IS, then you can immediately start fortifying your place.  You still need to ask some valuable questions because you’re most likely more skeptical than the person with a zombie staring them in the face one afternoon.  You will wonder if you’re seeing things.  Your mind will reject it at first and you will think there is a rational explanation for it all.  Once you realize the gravity of the situation you’re in you’ll need to ask yourself some similar questions, like: Are there any around I simply haven’t seen?  Am I safe where I am or do I know of a place I can be better equipped to survive?  If so, is it safe to move?  If not, what can I do to survive until help arrives?

Scenario three is better still for several reasons.  If you’re learning about the outbreak from the news that means you haven’t yet came in contact with the living dead AND as far as you can tell, everyone around your immediate vicinity is safe (so far).  After you check the calender and see that it is in fact not April Fools Day you can absorb the harsh reality that zombies are real, it’s judgement day, and you need to seek shelter or fortify your own.  If you’re fortunate enough to be in this situation you have the opportunity to really fortify your place or go to a military enforced rescue center.  From what I’ve seen in every Zombie film ever made, you’re better off with a small group of survivors than you are with large numbers of people.  The military rescue centers are ALWAYS overtaken for the simple fact that they are forced to let people in, and therefor will let the wrong people in and be over ran with zombies from the inside out.  Stick to what you know and find a safe place, stock it with food and water, load with with weapons and ammo, and cheap entertainment to keep your mind busy.  Chances are your place isn’t zombie proof and chances are better that you haven’t stocked enough food and water to stay cooped up in your house for months at a time.  You need to raid a store while you still can and start boarding up your windows.

Scenario four is ridiculous, but there are actually people that already have taken this approach.  The impending zombie doom may lay in the shadows waiting to rear its ugly face and eat yours, but not for these lucky bastards.  These guys have it the best of all.  Sure they have way more money than sense, but when the ‘fit hits the shan’, who are we all going to go running to?  Certainly not the military, thats a death trap!  We’re going to go to farmer Joe’s house with the triple level basement under his barn that doubles as a fallout shelter, or that rich guy’s house in Poland with the motorized concrete house that doubles as fortress.  These guys may seem eccentric now, but their foresight will pay off dividends in the event they are not completely rich and insane.  They have armored doors, no windows on the ground floor, the windows they have are bullet proof and no lower than 14 ft off the floor, CCTV cameras, and a food pantry similar to the one in the Overlook Hotel in ‘The Shining’.  They have panic rooms, gobs of weapons, and solar power panels.  While the guy in scenario 1 is dropping a load in his huggies, and the guy in scenario 2 is trying to figure out that he’s screwed, and the guy in scenario 3 is feeling the cold sweat of fear… the crazy bastard in this scenario is letting off a creepy cackle as he is polishing his fully automatic and totally illegal shotgun.  As society breaks down and the running water and power goes out causing wide spread panic and confusion, this guy is watching Dawn of the Dead on his flat screen.  While the group of mismatched people are fortifying a mall making a large racket drawing more zombies, this guy is playing X-Box on full blast inside his sound proof house.  When everybody else is driving like a crazy person to get to a store that ‘might not be raided yet’ this guy is polishing his bulletproof and bomb proof Knight XV.

More Resources for surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Basically, most of us fall into the first three categories and we hope for situation 3 as the best case scenario.  The other guy is a total lunatic right?  I mean, people don’t actually spend loads of cash on a zombie proof house and cars right?